I have to admit that it is very likely you have not thought about what personal boundaries are. But sometimes we just feel uncomfortable in certain situations. For example, the boss asks you to work after hours and without any warning in advance. What? Without extra money? No, we don’t know about this. Or, perhaps friends suggest that you split the bill in a cafe, and at the same time the only person who did not order or drink wine is you. Has it happened to you? Situations like these have happened to me many times. But, even with a certain amount of pride, I can say that I began to learn to set my boundaries – my personal boundaries.
Personal boundaries are where you end and the other person begins. Boundaries invented by you for a specific life situation. That is, a kind of a limit where you agree or disagree with what you will do. But the most important thing is this limit should not contradict your internal attitudes, feelings and your position in life.
It is easy to remember that there are borders:
- Physical — everything that concerns the body and our personal space; no one has the right to use your personal belongings. Or do they?
- Emotional — if you, for example, do not want to watch your parents have a row and swear — you have every right not to do it.
- Energy — And if the boundaries are broken, you can absorb the thoughts of the people around you. And, unfortunately, they are not always positive ones.
- Mental — I don’t think it’s worth sitting and listening to the reasoning that you think is terrible. In this case, your boundaries are also violated. Just walk away.
- Material — as in that joke «First we will eat your sausage, and then each his own.» You have every right to refuse. You and only you are in control of your finances.
What you should pay attention to and understand is that your personal boundaries are being violated
- For example, when someone (friend, relatives) tells you what is good for you and what is bad for you to eat. They «wish you well.» And the most important thing is you didn’t ask them about it.
- You are on a bus and you are terribly cold or hot, but asking the driver to change this situation is somehow uncomfortable for you. It’s just about me. Something like this happened to me. My friend and I were on the bus to spend a few days at the seaside. But the air conditioning was blowing on my right shoulder. I was terribly cold and uncomfortable, but I sat and bravely endured it. Why? Because everyone else was hot. And the next day, I could not move my head and neck — everything hurt so much. And my holiday was ruined — I had to urgently buy ointment and get some treatment. But on the other hand — I helped everyone else on the bus.
- Some friends decided to organise a meeting, but they did not consider it necessary to ask you to agree on a place.
- Or your teenage child keeps small change from the store without asking you.
- Or you often take offense at people around you — they are very unfair to you.
And there are a lot of such examples. I think almost everyone can continue to write this list for ever. But, the great news is that you can learn to set your personal boundaries. But you must always continue to build your boundaries as your life changes. Why? Because we are always changing and our life circumstances also change. Therefore, and this is natural, your personal boundaries will always need to be «corrected».
So where do you start? First of all, with the understanding that you and only you are the main violator of your personal boundaries. Yes! Yes! «Why?» Because no one can violate your boundaries without your consent. Think about it. And see you more next time here on this site.
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