By getting into the skilfully placed networks of a manipulator, we poison our lives. Manipulation is corrosive. It is does not allow you to feel calm and comfortable at work, can erase personal relationships and nurture a feeling of helplessness in your mind.
What is the first «bell» that should alert you and let you know that there is a manipulator nearby? It’s simple. If you suddenly felt like a saviour of «the whole world.» Alas, but, most likely, you have already been worked on. The manipulator possesses many methods that can poison your existence. Manipulation has no gender; it can have both female and male faces. After all, often you just don’t see the manipulator right away. But let’s not deceive ourselves and call a spade a spade. Take a closer look around you. Does this remind you of someone?
- Blaming others for all your problems. It’s not his / her fault if something is wrong. Well, really? Although in fact, you must clearly understand that no one except you is interested in your development and health.
- Unrealistic expectations from a person.
- Critical remarks: «Well, you always do not have time to do it». It is means: «But I am better than you and I can!»
- Ignoring a person or the so-called «silent games».
- Devaluation of experiences. You can’t get sympathy from a manipulator.
- Cultivating helplessness. Especially often seen in parent-child relationships: “Oh, how did you do? I’d better do it! «
- Slander. If you heard this in your address, it’s like in detective stories, look for an underlying reason for this. Why does anyone need all this?
- Easily offended and offended. I read an excellent statement — «Resentment is a way to get pleasure by hitting another with a whip of guilt» (A. Safin).
- Verbal bullying. This is where it’s hard to see the line between friendly teasing (to be honest, I don’t like that either) and bullying. Since then, perhaps, they will tell you: «I was joking.»
- Gas lighting. This is a psychological manipulation that makes the victim question his own adequacy. It is often seen in family relationships.
- Making fun of your interests. What? Do you go to the gym? You? What for? Well, you get the idea, everything is in the same vein.
- Manipulation of a sense of duty, a favourite method of leaders. «Why are you not interested in ….»
What to do?
Therefore, when you have a feeling that something is going wrong, then simply:
- Pause in conversation, relationships, work. Try to understand that you are being manipulated. Even a few seconds of pause in a conversation will be enough for you to get yourself together and take control of the situation.
- Rephrase the intentions of the manipulator: «So you mean that you need to go out to work on your day off at no extra charge?»
- Understand why a person can put forward these conditions to you. Personal boundaries / responsibilities may have been misplaced initially. Maybe you allowed a lot before this situation?
- Personal boundaries are hard to set. And drive the resulting feeling of guilt into the far corner. If by their actions the person makes you suffer, why do you feel guilty? Ponder
- Or you can ask again: «What do you mean?»
- Do not be afraid. Change, take the first steps, make sure. Everything will be OK.
There are really a lot of methods which can manipulate a person as you can see. It is important to understand that only you are responsible for your emotional state. And only your personal development, education and training will not allow you to turn into material for a manipulator.
P.S. Or maybe you yourself using these methods? ? Share your comments.