My mum used to tell me that I was like a «vest» in the sense that my friends often chose me as a «vest to cry on». Some kind of energy vampirism, but everything not is so simple.
In life, each of us in different circumstances tries on different roles. At work, you are a business woman and an enterprising employee, at home — a son or daughter, wife or husband, with friends — «rip off — shirt head — guy.» And we have many such roles. But it unites all our roles with 3 main ones: “victim” – “rescuer” – “persecutor”. This psychological model, called Karpman’s triangle, also called the «triangle of fate» was developed by Stephen Karpman.
What are the roles of the Karpman triangle? What drives us and why do we sometimes find ourselves in not the best situations?
«Victim» — a suffering person. Look around, I think you can clearly determine who in your environment loves to measure this role. “The victim” always feels the worst, it’s hard for them, they like to complain and talk about it in detail, since only they, the «victim» has such difficult life circumstances. Familiar?
The «pursuer» poisons the life of the poor “victim”. Who is it? A boss or subordinate at work, a naughty child and a despot husband, a teacher who is dissatisfied with a student. Well, you get the idea, there’s always someone who gets in the way. The «victim», of course, wants to change their life, the situation, that’s just … they don’t let them do it.
Do you like to give advice, even when you’re not asked? Are you ready to «throw into fire and water» for help, offering and substituting your strong «male» shoulder — it does not seem that you have already put on a superman cape (ok, superwoman) and are ready to save everyone and everyone. In this role, you are a «rescuer». Is it comfortable to sit on your shoulder? If you allowed it, then I think yes, the victim is satisfied. Their whining paid off.
Everything seems easy and simple. Everything is so, but not so. Since in certain circumstances, a person can exist in all 3 roles. And if at work it is a «persecutor» who can be biased towards their subordinates, then at home they are a «victim» suffering from a tyrannical husband. And the «rescuer», listening to the whining of the «victim» — a friend, turns into a «persecutor», indignant at the actions of their friend’s husband.
But what happens if the «rescuer» does not come to the aid of the «victim» once again? Will they not listen to other whining? They themself will turn into a «victim», and the «victim» will become a «persecutor». Often trying on the role of «rescuer», think about whether you are being manipulated?
And that is not all. Most often, the «victim» just likes to whine and does not want to change anything in their life. They just want to shift the responsibility to another person — the rescuer. «Rescuer» wants to assert themselves by doing good and kind deeds. And the «pursuer» just likes to teach and point out the shortcomings of other people. In this they see their mission.
And so, in a circle. What to do? Firstly, if you realized that there was a role for you in the Karpman triangle, too, this is already half the battle. So, you have already begun to analyse and think. «Victim» — take care of yourself and your life! «Rescuer», realize — you cannot change the life of another person. «Pursuer» does not criticize someone else’s life. You are only responsible for your life.