Do you often manage to agree with yourself? Well, admit it. Have you ever thought about the fact that in fact there are no bad people or bad situations. We have our response to them. They become negative only when we colour our thoughts in colour-emotion. Our reaction to what is happening is the baggage of stereotypes that has formed in our minds. And then in what colour we will paint any situation that is happening, what will be the final result — a reaction, depends on what kind of accumulated abilities we have.
How does our brain works in any situation? It receives information-situation and at the same second a «meeting» begins to take place in our head. Yes, that’s right, we start talking to ourselves (and this happens in a matter of seconds), and we managed to agree and whether there is a result depends only on you.
ABCDE technique
Let’s work with our negative thoughts. Because we cannot change passing events, but we can learn how to respond to them correctly. The ABCDE technique was developed by Albert Ellis, the founder of the rational-emotive direction in psychotherapy. The abbreviation ABCDE stands for:
Adversity — Believe — Consequence — Disputation — Energization
Our subpersonalities — inner voices «live» in our head (don’t worry, it’s normal!!!). They live, make friends, quarrel, reconcile — and all this happens in our head. Who is it? Everyone has their own voices. Maybe it’s a little 5-year-old girl who says she wants these shoes despite the fact that this month’s budget did not include such a purchase. Or maybe now this is an unreasonable teenager, ready to rudely answer? Or a strict mentor who, with just one glance, makes you understand — that’s it, all that’s left is to «sprinkle ashes on your head» — everything is gone. Perhaps is it the voice of your mother, looking reproachfully at you — again, the apartment is not tidied up, as she thought. And the fact that you’re working two jobs trying to survive doesn’t mean anything.
Let’s try to use the ABCDE technique. Situation: October morning, breakfast, and your child says that the porridge is somehow tasteless. And your husband agrees with him.
What’s happening?
A swarm of thoughts flies by in a second. And what your reaction will be depends only on who now prevails in your head – “a little girl”, “a teenager”, or you are still reasonable.
A – We have the situation: the family said: it turned out tasteless porridge.
B — What can you think? So, they don’t like the way I cook. But I try for them, I woke up early, I didn’t have time to do make up, I cooked this stupid porridge, but they don’t appreciate me at all (a little girl who is also tired wants to sleep). Therefore, stop! Just a statement of fact — the porridge is tasteless. Only today.
C — How did you feel about this situation. Anger? Irritation? Resentment — «So we will cook it themselves!», — a little tired girl screams inside you.
D — Now try to disputation your negative thoughts. Turn on your inner lawyer, try to negotiate. How many times has your family told you that you’re a great cook? The porridge tastes bad today! By the way, have you tried it? Or thought about it and forgot to add salt or sugar? Learn to challenge your negative thoughts instead of opposing them.
E — Well, how do you feel now? Better? Your family loves you. And admit it, porridge is really not very good today.
So, you can consider any situation — you need to practice. Try to identify and highlight which voices do you hear in your head more often? Who is it? Why is there no voice that defends and appeals the situation? Think of your own lawyer — he is needed! And try to write down your observations, especially at first.
Good luck and make smart decisions with your inner counsel.